The Batman

Once again summer is upon us, a time when the year’s biggest films are out and we must venture to our local cinema and watch the latest big budget alien/superhero movie.
Last summer it was Transformers, the year before it was Toy Story III. Now in the year 2012 there are two clear blockbuster films and I will be sharing my thoughts on them.

In the Blue Corner



In the Red Corner

The Dark Knight Rises

Now this films takes itself far more seriously than the Avengers.
To the ten of you who regularly read my blogging attempts you will know that I am looking for two main criteria in my action movie choices, explosions and lulz, so it is obvious which film I prefer. Avengers was quite a funny a movie overall and the action scenes were spectacular, I was perfectly happy with the characters having fist fights and banter with each other at the start of the film. But then they head to the city of New York and that’s where they really fuck shit up. 
Look! Readers!

The Dark Knight Rises also has about half an hour of city destruction but I didn’t enjoy it as much. I felt like there were serious implications to the destruction of Gotham. Lives were at stake man! Whereas Avengers keeps it light and I could pretend that no one was being injured by all of the flying debris and giant flying worms creatures.

Arguably one of the finest action scenes I have ever seen

But I had a major problem with Avengers, Iron Man. OK I understand that he’s supposed to be this playboy flirty type of guy, but does he really need to make so many jokes. We get it, you’re hilarious Iron Man, but let’s dial the jokes back. I thought that the other characters were much funnier, especially The Hulk, that guy is certified hilarity.
Cocaine’s a hell of a drug
Now I am going to bitch a little bit about Batman.
According to Wikipedia he has a photographic memory
I like that he’s a realistic superhero in a realistic world, and that he doesn’t kill people, but does he always have to be so holier-than-thou about his moral code. The fans are much worse though, they take this whole Batman business far too seriously, it’s like because it’s a realistic portrayal of superheroes in the real-world then it is automatically the greatest comic book of all time.
Case in point, Batman and Robin, for years I heard that this was like the worst movie of all-time, so one day in aught 7 I decided to give it a watch. Now it’s not exactly a good film, but worst film of all time? C’mon guys.
C’mon son

It’s very silly, but it’s also quite funny. If people didn’t take Batman so goddamn seriously it would have a much better reputation. It certainly doesn’t deserve all the hatred. The classic 60s Batman was just as silly and camp and it was great. Every now and then when I am bored in the afternoon I put on a bit of Batman and watch TV’s Adam West ham it up with the boy wonder.

Batman & Robincurrently has a 3.6 rating on IMDB, it deserves at least a 5 for Arnold Schwarzenegger and his puns. He may not be on top form but they’re fun!   He plays the Ice Man and literally makes as many ice related puns as humanly possible. I knew it was only a matter of time before he offered ‘to break the ice with someone.
Anyway it’s not a good film by any stretch of the imagination, it is bad but not 3/10 bad. Ben Affleck’s Daredevil has got a 5.4 on IMDB, I am proposing that IMDB swap the scores, because Daredevilwas arse. Batman & Robin was quite entertaining and had puns, Daredevilhad nothing going for it.

Noone has even bothered to make a LEGO reconstruction of the film, says it all
I also love the Riddler, it makes me wish that these new gritty Batman films would incorporate him into one of the films, but he is such a silly guy that I can’t see a way that they can put him or the Penguin in without making things too ridiculous. And at this point in Jim Carrey’s career he would certainly need something to revive his fortunes, either that or another Ace Ventura film.

Pictured above: hilarity

 My favourite riddle from the 60s show was:
Q: How do you divide 17 apples among 16 people?
A: Applesauce
But I can’t imagine a seriously realistic Batmanfilm making the Dark Knight solve riddles in order to foil an evil scheme to destroy Gotham city
So to wrap things up The Dark Knight Rises is unquestionably the better film, the story is gripping and despite all my complaints about realism, it is nice to see a superhero film where the events take place in the real world. But when it comes to cinema going enjoyment I have to give the nod to The Avengers. Personally, I would have enjoyed Batmanjust as much if I was watching it in my own house, but seeing The Avengerstear up New York City on the big screen has to be one of the highlights of 2012. Action > Story in terms of the cinema-going enjoyment.
Just to be controversial I will also say the following
Batman Begins is overrated and I don’t get Liam Neeson’s appeal

Host of Culture Hash, writer of music, TV and film opinions

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